Having a serious relationship, of course you have to go through the approach or PDKT period first. At this time, partners usually show interest by paying attention, always providing news, giving gifts, or perhaps already discussing future plans which, if imagined, are too-good-to-be-true.
But don't get too happy just yet, Beauties. Because, you could experience love bombing. This term is currently being widely discussed on social media.
Quoted from Mindbodygreen, love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation that is used to gain power or control over someone by giving excessive attention and affection. Love bombing perpetrators are often associated with narcissistic personality traits.
At the beginning of a relationship, the perpetrator will love bombing or do everything in his power to provide for the victim's needs or desires. However, after some time the perpetrator will give a very different attitude to what was given at the beginning of the relationship. In the end, this will result in infidelity or sudden disappearance (ghosting).
To avoid this, you have to recognize the signs of love bombing during the PDKT period. Here are the signs you need to know!
1. Communication is too intense
Communicating Too Intense/ Photo: freepik.com/wayhomestudio
Communicating regularly is normal when close to someone. However, according to Ashley Bendiksen, a survivor and abuse prevention educator, if a partner is too intense in sending text messages, calls and direct messages (DM), it could be an indication of love bombing.
This phenomenon can be observed when at work or hanging out with friends. For example, if your partner sends a message and you respond that you are busy or with friends.
In a healthy relationship, partners should be understanding and not pressure to get a response. On the other hand, if the response you receive makes you feel guilty, it could be a sign that your partner tends to love bombing.
2. Give lots of prizes
Giving Lots of Gifts/ Photo: pexels.com/Katerina Holmes
Inviting people to go for a walk or giving gifts during the approaching period is normal. However, if he starts giving excessive and expensive gifts such as jewelry or other expensive gifts, you can be wary, Beauties.
Bendiksen said these gifts could be a way to manipulate the victim's emotions and make the victim feel very appreciated and loved. This can create deep emotional bonds and make it difficult for victims to identify manipulative behavior. This manipulation will reduce the victim's independence, so that the victim will also become dependent on the perpetrator.
3. Not respecting boundaries
Not Respecting Boundaries/ Photo: hackspirit.com
Love bombers tend not to respect boundaries because they are manipulative and selfish. Bendiksen explains that they focus more on fulfilling their own wants and needs than understanding and respecting their partner's needs or boundaries.
An example is the rejection of the desire for alone time or to carry out activities without their presence. When a partner needs time alone, what the perpetrator of love bombing does can be an aggressive argument, suddenly coming to the victim's place during quality time with friends, or even following. This behavior can also make the victim feel tied or restrained.
4. Giving excessive praise or sweet sentences
Giving Excessive Praise/ Photo: pexels.com/Katerina Holmes
Hearing praise or sweet words from your partner is indeed a pleasant thing. But what if you accept it too much at the beginning of the relationship?
Usually, it is very easy for love bombers to say 'for me, you are the perfect person', 'I can't live without you', 'you are the only one' or 'I love you'.
People who love bombing think that giving their partner a lot of praise will make them feel obliged to reciprocate the action. This creates a feeling of indebtedness that makes the victim feel bound to give back attention and greater involvement in the relationship.
5. The relationship feels so fast
Relationship Feels So Fast/ Photo: freepik.com/Racool_studio
When approaching, of course everyone wants to go in a more serious direction. However, it is also important to pay attention to the approach process itself. Based on the explanation of a trauma therapist, Laura Reagan, LCSW-C, if you feel like you are forming a relationship so quickly even though you don't really know each other, that needs to be a big question.
Not only from yourself, if relatives such as friends or family say the approach process is too fast, don't deny it and ask for advice from them. Love bombers often want to quickly commit in a short time.
Those are some signs of love bombing that you should know. Be careful and don't be easily influenced, OK, Beauties!
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