The case of abuse committed by the son of a member of the DPR RI from the PKB faction, Gregorius Ronald Tannur (31), against his girlfriend, DSA (28), is in the spotlight. Ronald abused the victim repeatedly, causing the woman to die.
Now, Ronald has been named a suspect and faces 12 years in prison. He was only charged with assault, even though legal experts believe that Ronald should also be charged with murder.
Cases of dating violence have reportedly increased over the past few years. According to the National Commission on Violence Against Women’s Annual Records (Catahu) 2022, there were 463 complaints of Dating Violence (KDP), with the most gender-based violence in the personal sphere being Violence by Ex-Girlfriends (KMP) with 813 complaints.
Regardless of an abusive relationship or violent behavior in a relationship, unfortunately, it is not an easy thing for the victim. Often, victims do not realize that what they are experiencing is an act of violence, whether physical or emotional.
A partner who commits violence makes the victim feel insecure, guilty, and responsible for the conflict in the relationship. This form of manipulation carried out by the perpetrator towards the victim is known as gaslighting. As a result, the victim becomes entangled in a toxic relationship and finds it difficult to leave the relationship.
Reporting from the Choosing Therapy page, here are some sentences that are often said by victims who are in an abusive relationship.
“My Partner Loves Me, He Is Not Violent”
Viral DPR RI Member’s Son Abuses Boyfriend, Here Are 5 Sentences Often Said by Victims of Dating Violence/Photo: Pexels/Mart Production
The victim may often say this sentence to himself or to other people, the aim is to justify his decision to stay in the relationship.
The victim also thinks that acts of violence do not happen all the time. They will focus on moments where violence does not occur and consider that good enough to survive.
The victim tries to prove that her partner still loves her, even though acts of violence often occur.
“He Didn’t Mean to Hurt Me”
Viral DPR RI Member’s Child Abuses Boyfriend, Here Are 5 Sentences Often Said by Victims of Dating Violence/Photo: Pexels.com/Timur Weber
Similar to the sentence above, when victims are physically hurt, they assume that the perpetrator did not really mean to hurt them.
In short, the victim is ‘blinded’ by the perpetrator’s words that they did not intend to harm. In fact, acts of violence have occurred. The victim only believes the words, and does not see the real action taking place.
“I’m Sure This Only Happened Once”
Viral DPR RI Member’s Son Abuses Boyfriend, Here Are 5 Sentences Often Said by Victims of Dating Violence/Photo: Pexels/MART PRODUCTION
Victims say these sentences when they try to understand how and why violent acts can occur in relationships. When violence occurs, the victim will accept the behavior, and think that this action will only happen once.
However, if violence occurs again, the victim may have difficulty understanding that the behavior was actually an act of violence, especially if it happened so quickly. But in the end, they will allow the bad behavior to happen again.
“Maybe It’s My Fault”
Viral DPR RI Member’s Son Abuses Boyfriend, Here Are 5 Sentences Often Said by Victims of Dating Violence/Photo: Freepik.com
The victim may feel that the violent action committed by the perpetrator occurred because of his fault. They also think that if they improve themselves or act according to the perpetrator’s wishes, then the action will not be repeated.
This is also the impact of gaslighting, where the perpetrator tries to manipulate the victim with the aim of controlling them.
“I’m Afraid of What Will Happen If I Leave This Relationship”
Viral DPR RI Member’s Child Abuses Boyfriend, Here Are 5 Sentences Often Said by Victims of Dating Violence/Photo: freepik.com/yanalya
There are several meanings when the victim says this sentence. First, they may be afraid to leave the relationship because of threats from the abuser. Psychologically, abusers can keep their victims captive so that they cannot leave the toxic relationship.
Second, victims may say this because they feel they cannot live without their perpetrator. This is usually because there are dependent factors, such as where you live and finances.
One of the signs of an abusive relationship is that the victim feels they deserve bad treatment and tries to justify the action.
If you are in an abusive relationship, remember that it is not your fault and you do not deserve to be treated badly and violently.
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