Parents and children have the ability to trigger a variety of emotions in each other that no one else can. Even when we are adults, we often act irrationally towards our own parents.
Likewise parents when they are angry. The most important thing we need to remember about anger is not to act when you are angry.
To avoid conflict and unwanted things, commit not to shout, hit, curse, or give your child any punishment when angry. The reason is, you not only hurt him, but also have the potential to be imitated by children in the future.
They might think screaming is an adult’s way of handling conflict. Then they will adopt this behavior too. So, learn to manage emotions and anger responsibly so you can set a good example for your children. How to?
Summarized from Psychology Today, here are 5 ways to control your emotions when dealing with a child who is having a tantrum.
1. Set Boundaries Before Getting Angry
When we are angry with children, we often don’t set boundaries because something is unpleasant for us. When you start to get angry, that’s a signal to do something. Instead of yelling, intervene in a positive way to prevent more of any disruptive behavior.
It’s a good idea to explain to your children and ask them to control behavior that annoys you. If your kids do something increasingly annoying or fight while you’re busy, restate your expectations. Direct the children to keep the situation from getting more annoying.
2. Calm Yourself Before Taking Action
When you feel angry, you need a way to calm yourself. Awareness will always help you harness self-control and change your physiology. Take a deep breath as a pause button.
If you can spend 20 minutes a day practicing mindfulness, you can actually build neural capacity so that it is easier to calm yourself down when your child upsets you.
3. Wait Before Disciplining
Make sure you never act when you are angry. No one says you have to make decisions quickly.
You could say something like, “I can’t believe you hit your little brother after we talked about how much it hurts. I need to think about this, and we’ll talk about it this afternoon. Until then, I hope you behave better.”
After that, sit down with your child and, if necessary, set firm limits. You will be better able to listen to his opinions and respond with reasonable and respectful limits to his behavior.
4. Avoid physical violence
According to the Journal of Psychopathology, 85 percent of teenagers said they had been slapped or hit by their parents. Did you know, physical punishment like this has a negative impact on a child’s growth and development that lasts throughout life.
Spanking may make you feel better temporarily because it can relieve anger. Unfortunately, this has a very bad impact on children. The best way to feel better when you are angry and tired of dealing with your child’s tantrum behavior is to not hurt your child.
Not only that, you also need to avoid threatening your child when you are angry. Threats are only effective when you follow through. This threat will actually weaken your authority and make it less likely that your child will follow the rules next time.
5. Monitor your tone and word choice
Dealing with children who are having tantrums really drains energy. We often don’t realize that we have raised our tone when we are in this situation. Now, understand that the calmer we speak, the calmer we feel, and the calmer other people’s responses to us will be.
The use of curse words or high pitched words makes us and the listener even more annoyed. This makes the situation even worse. We still have the power to calm ourselves and our children through a better tone of voice and choice of words.
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